Pride comes before a fall
by Frayed Misfit
Summary: James Potter ponders life and identity.


**Disclaimer: **James Potter is not mine, he is Lily's and JK Rowling's. The lyrics, noted in italics form the song 'Up & Down & Back Again' by Powderfinger.

**Author's note: **This is a response to a challenge set at the Character Sketches Forum, in which I had to write a character not normally seen on his own. It struck me as slightly strange that James is barely written outside of the marauders or Lily, so here it is :)

This is for **Cuban Sombrero Gal** just because she deserves it

**Pride comes before a fall**

_Come and rescue me  
In the water deep  
Careful now don't lose your aim  
The road ahead is clear again  
I haven't found it yet _

The July afternoon sun stains the wooden handle of James' broom, his hands sweat in his quidditch gloves, although his grip on the quaffle never falters.

The game is not only his life; it represents his personality, it is the air he breathes, it is exhilaration, competition, and power.

Circling the tall Elms behind the Potter Manor James contemplates life.

Life was about pranking with the marauders, his infallible friendship with Wormtail, Moony and Padfoot. Sneaking cupcakes and butterbeer out of the kitchens, smoking on the top of the astronomy tower.

Life was looking after Remy on the nights of the full moon, it was planning entertaining things to take his mind off the intolerable pain that the lycanthropy caused him. It was staying with him all night, because that was what friends were for.

Life was opening the door again and again to Sirius, it was wrapping an arm around him in silence, able to communicate with something more than words and magic.

Life was Lily in all her splendor.

Life was more than all of this, life was about identity and responsibility and love.

He doesn't even know it, but he hasn't found it yet. 

You drift away so slow  
In the ebb and flow  
So I landed on my feet  
The steadiness is bittersweet  
It feels the same when you're pushed  
Out and away and into the crush 

James' bedroom is oddly quiet, even his tawny owl Beatrice gazes at him reproachfully from her perch.

The head boy badge is face down in his palm, his school letter is scrunched in his other hand. Even since the badge had tumbled out of the letter he held it.

(like a snitch)

Why had Dumbledore given him this? Why hadn't he given it to Remus?

(because he is testing me, because I have to grow up, because there is more to me than this)

The badge held the weight of a thousand years.

(I'm not ready yet)

(if it lands on heads I have to do this, if it lands on tails I send it to Remus)

James flips the badge, catches it and slaps it down on the back of his hand.

Lifting tentative fingers, the words 'head boy' blaze up at him.

(fuck)

Pinning it onto his t-shirt he takes a glance into the mirror, messes up the back of his hair, chews his bottom lip and wrenches open the bedroom door.

"Fuck Sirius! You'll never believe this …"

_  
In all the hidden pleasures you find  
In what you're looking for  
I hope that you remember that pride  
Comes before a fall_

Snivellus has his arm stretched across the hallway; his black unfathomable eyes boring into James', his wand clenched tightly in his hand.

"Let me pass Snivvy." James spits, his own wand in his hand.

"Give me one good reason Potter," Snivellus looks bored and tired, "why I shouldn't curse your pathetic ass off."

James steps forward, his face too close to the other teenage boy.

"Give it up. Move on."

Snivellus moves his wand tip underneath James' chin, James can feel a strange heat emanating from it.

"If you hurt her, I will murder you." Snivellus' voice has a strange shaking quality to it, if James wasn't in such a precarious situation he would have laughed.

"I will never hurt her."

The wand is lowered and Snivellus takes a step back, his face is unreadable.

James extends his hand, offering it to his arch enemy but Snivellus has already turned away.

(pride always comes before a fall)

_I can barely see up and own and back again  
Despite what you believe I keep away from trouble  
If who I am today's a sign of where I'm going  
I'm ready to embrace  
_

"What are you smiling about?"

Lily stops to consider, curling closer to him on the sofa.

"I'm just so proud of you."

"How so?' He wraps his arm around her, pulling her into his chest so that his chin can rest on her hair.

"The way you handled the loss to Ravenclaw was, well admirable. You were the James that I know is in there." She lets her hand fall onto his heart.

"You know, I've always been playing this role. Because people think they know who I am so well, I felt as if I had to keep playing along, that I couldn't change."

"I like who you are today."


End file.
